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I Almost Feel Tough . . .My lesson for the week:
(Softball, thrown by a man with massive arms)
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(My [formerly] beautiful face)
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No, those marks on my face are not stitches. They are the imprint of the softball threads into my skin. The ball literally hit my face so hard that the threads cut their mark into my skin. Let me explain. I was playing softball with my co-ed team Thursday night, and during the course of the first game, managed to take a softball right in the face, thrown by the man who hit three home runs that night. He had a pretty strong arm, as evidenced by the ball he threw knocking me straight out. I literally dropped like a rock. But then I woke up, sat up, and continued on playing for the remainder of that game, and the next. After that, though, I decided that I should probably go to the emergency room, because I felt like crap. My whole face felt like someone had hit me with a bat (or a softball, as it were). Anyway, the final prognosis is that I have a concussion, whiplash from the impact, and a broken nose. Wonder of all wonders, I have no bruising. I never bruise, which is more evidence of my weird-as-hell body.
My face does hurt pretty damn bad, though.
"I shall grow old but never lose life's zest, because the road's last turn will be the best." -Henry van Dyke
AmbitionI think Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best:
If you know me very well at all, you've probably heard me say this quote. It's one of my favorites, and it means something incredible to me.
There lives within me this all-encompassing desire to succeed, to make something of myself. I'm not sure where it comes from, but I do know that I've had it my entire life. It's not necessarily the need to make a lot of money, although that will be hella nice, when it happens. (Can you feel the confidence there?
 ) I am not happy just doing anything - I have to be good at it. That goes for work, sports, parenting . . . just life in general. I don't want to live my life just coasting along. I want to be able to look back 70 years from now (yes, I plan on living a long time) and know that by being alive, I made a difference.
Since I am so particular about my own ambition, I find myself being more and more particular about the ambition of men I'm interested in. It's no longer enough for me to meet a guy who is hot and funny and good to me (and good in bed . . . ), he has to have that ambition that MLK Jr. was talking about. I don't care what the guy does for a living, whether it's construction or teaching or law or whatever. What I do care about, though, is how important it is to him, and how much he strives to be the best at it he can be.
Isn't it funny that the older we get, the more we learn about ourselves? The last five or six years have been such eye-opening ones for me - I hardly feel like the same person I was back then. And in many ways, I'm not the same. I've become a mother, I've fallen in love and subsequently suffered a broken heart, I've learned to understand myself, I've embraced sexual freedom, and I've made a name for myself professionally. All of these changes just help to underscore my need to be someone, to be the best that I can be. I am happier today than I have ever been, and that is because I'm living my life the absolute best that I can. Life is good - wring every ounce of happiness out of it that you can!!
"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt Much Ado About . . . a Lot, ActuallySince I've been away for so long, I thought I'd let you know what's been going on in the life of Courtney these days. I'm as busy as ever, with more men in the picture than I ever thought possible (and I'm sure that surprises none of you!) So, here goes:
I started my current job nearly a year ago, and almost from the first moment, I felt like I had found 'my' place. I felt comfortable with the people, comfortable with the policies, comfortable with the general outlook, and the direction the company was moving in.
A year later, and that feeling has intensified. Right now, I'm working a lot, and we've made so many changes I'm having a hard time remembering them all, but I love going to work every day. And that makes all the difference in the world. And I feel like every single day I make a difference, and that feels oh, so good.
Braeden is doing very well. Even though he is meeting all requirements for moving on to first grade, his teacher is still recommending that I hold him back, which makes absolutely no sense to me. I've decided to go ahead and send him on to first grade, and I feel very confident in my decision. Basketball season has just ended, and t-ball season has just begun, and I'm playing on a softball team as well, so our weeknights and weekends are full of sports. (Still no single parents, so it looks like the Northwest Arkansas people are still working on their marriages.
 ) Other than that, I think he's just enjoying being a little boy. We have a new puppy, whom Braeden aptly named Cosmo. He is super-cute, and a bundle of energy. And I'm continually cleaning up for him. Isn't he just too cute?
In January, I talked about my recent diagnosis with PCOS, and the steps my doctor and I were taking to treat it. We haven't had a lot of luck getting all the symptoms to go away, and with controlling my hormone levels, so he sent me to a specialist last week, who performed all sorts of wonderful tests on me. I should be hearing some results back pretty soon. I just want to be done worrying about all this crap. On a brighter note, however, the insulin resistance drug the doctor prescribed has had a wonderful side effect - I've lost 12 pounds! I can't see it anywhere other than my face, but even there it looks pretty damn good! Have a look for youself:
You can't deny that beautiful face! (And yes, you can punch me for my arrogance later.
In the course of things, this would be the time for me to talk about all the men, but I think we need an entire blog post for that. This thing would be way too long if I started talking about all of them. So I'll leave you wondering . . .
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -Eleanor Roosevelt
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