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The Paralysis of FearI was watching t.v. last night, and an advertisement for a new show came on, and the tag line was 'Sometimes life looks better with your eyes closed'. How true is that? I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to ignore anything important until the very last second, pretending instead that everything is just peachy.
I have really been thinking the last few days about potential, change, fear. Patresa gave us a writing assignment the other day about talent and money, and what we would do if we had limitless supplies of both. You can find her challenge here.
I read my response, and the only thing I could think was 'why am I not doing these things already?' Not the things that require money, but the ones that require talent. I have lots of talent. But talent sometimes isn't enough. You have to have the courage to take that talent and do something about it. I was celebrated in every play I was ever in - so why am I not acting? I am known for my public speaking skills - so why am I not doing motivational speaking? I really can make great pies and gumbo - so why am I not devising a business plan to take to the bank? Because of the paralysis of fear.
When I was in school, my teachers would always say "I expect to hear great things from you." And I would think about the pressure that kind of comment put on me, and others like me. What if I didn't want to be great, but just happy? But I do want to be great.
But I was afraid. Am still afraid. Afraid of change, afraid of failure, afraid of success. Afraid of the greatness. So, when Harvard called, I ran in the other direction. When I was in a high position at the bank, I quit.
You can't fail if you don't ever try. So my dreams stay in my head, and I wonder if I'll ever have the courage to do something about them. Or will I wake up one day, realize I'm 80 years old, and know that I've thrown every talent I ever had down the tiolet? I guess the entry for me should have been titled "If COURAGE had no limit and money grew on trees." The courage - scary, indeed.
Today's quote: "If we did all the things we were capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves." -Thomas Edison
It's Friday, time for the funny date story of the week.
I met Mark online. We talked over email for several weeks, and then on the phone a few times. He seemed really nice, and he was a masseuse (score!). During one of our conversations, he asked me if I was open-minded. Since I consider myself to be very open-minded, I told him yes. I would come to regret that. He said that he would be in the area at the end of the week, and wanted to know if we could get together. I agreed.
The night of the date, I spent a lot of time getting ready. I was really excited. Braeden was six months old, and it was the first time I'd gone on a date since having him.
Mark and I had made plans to meet at a familiar store and then decide where we wanted to go to dinner. When I first saw him, I was really impressed. He was HOT, even better looking than in his photograph. In fact, I thought he was a little out of my league, but I wasn't complaining. I was going to get in his truck with him, but he said that he had brought along his massage table, so we would have to ride in my car. That was fine with me.
When we got in the car, we chatted for a few minutes, and then he said "I think we should just skip dinner and go back to my hotel room and give each other rub-downs."
I thought he was kidding, "Hahaha. No, really, where do you want to eat?"
"I'm serious. I think we should go back to my hotel."
"There is no way I'm going back to your hotel," I told him.
"I thought you were open-minded."
"I am open-minded, but there is a HUGE difference between open-minded and stupid," I said, still kind of thinking he was kidding.
"If you won't come back to my hotel with me, this is over." He was serious!
I couldn't believe it. "Then I guess you had better leave."
And so he did. The little bastard. As if I would ever be stupid enough to go back to his hotel room and give him a 'rub-down' literally five minutes after meeting him.
So, my first date in a long time was over in less than fifteen minutes. I should have known that was a hint of the quality to come.  Wow. I still can't believe it.コメント (10 件)
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