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    The Date Application

    Patresa left a comment on Friday's blog, suggesting that I start using an application for any men that are interested in me.  I thought that was the best idea I'd heard in a long time, so I have developed the following application, to be filled out and submitted before any man can be eligible for a date. 
     

     
    Today's Date:   
     
    Full legal name:
     
    Date of Birth:
     
    Height:                  Weight:
     
    Shoe size:
     
    Last level of education completed:
     
    Current employer and title of position:
     
    How long have you been employed with this company?
     
    Annual salary:
     
    Do you own your home?         Monthly payment:
     
    Current balance in checking account:
                       savings account:
     
    General Information
     
    How many times per week do you speak to your mother, either in person or on the telephone?
     
    Do you enjoy children?
     
    Do you want children?
     
    Do you currently have any children?
           If yes, do they live with you?
     
    Sexual History
     
       How many sexual partners have you had?
     
       Have you ever been diagnosed with a sexually
       transmitted disease?
           If yes, which one(s)?
     
       If you could have only one, would you choose
       a blow job or sexual intercourse?
     
       What is the average length of time you are
       engaged in sexual intercourse before
       ejaculation?
     
       Do you have any abnormal sexual fetishes?
     
       Do you enjoy performing oral sex?
     
    Lifestyle
     
    What are your current hobbies?
     
    Are you willing to relinquish control of the remote to your significant other?
     
    Have you ever been convicted of either a felony or a misdemeanor?
                      If yes, what was the crime?
     
    How often do you drink alcohol?
     
    Do you smoke?
          If yes, how often?
     
    Do you do any sort of illegal drug?
     
    Have you ever been married?
          If yes, how many times?
                  How long have you been divorced?
     
    Do you shave/wax any body part other than your face?
          If yes, which ones?
     
    Essay questions - please answer the following questions in a minimum of three sentences.
     
    1. How would you spend your ideal Sunday?
     
    2. How important is family to you?
     
    3. How do you feel about dating a woman with children?
     
    4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
     
    5. What is your idea of the perfect romantic date?
     
    Please attach the following documents before submitting this form to the appropriate authorities.
     
    Copy of current clean bill of health, signed by your physician.
     
    Copy of current credit report.
     
    Copy of complete psychiatric evaluation, signed by a licensed psychiatrist.
     
    References - please designate three people that can be contacted to verify above information.
     

     
    I think this will just about answer every question that I have going into a date.  Hopefully it will weed out the weirdos!
     
    "Remove failure as an option and your chances for success become infinitely better." -Joan Lunden
     

    コメント (14 件)

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    名前なしさんの投稿:
    General Information
     
    How many times per week do you speak to your mother, either in person or on the telephone?
     almost daily
    Do you enjoy children?
     usually not
    Do you want children?
     depends on how much child support I would ultimately be required to give you
    Do you currently have any children?
           If yes, do they live with you? no, no hell no
     
    Sexual History
     
       How many sexual partners have you had? 50-70
     
       Have you ever been diagnosed with a sexually
       transmitted disease?
           If yes, which one(s)?
     I do not have any desire to be tested
       If you could have only one, would you choose
       a blow job or sexual intercourse?
     sex
       What is the average length of time you are
       engaged in sexual intercourse before
       ejaculation?
     depends on her, if she is hot I will go longer and enjoy it, if she is decent I will make it quick
       Do you have any abnormal sexual fetishes?
     not really
       Do you enjoy performing oral sex?
     no way bitch
    Lifestyle
     
    What are your current hobbies?
     drinking and debauchery
    Are you willing to relinquish control of the remote to your significant other?
     no i am in
    Have you ever been convicted of either a felony or a misdemeanor?
                      If yes, what was the crime?
     
    How often do you drink alcohol?
     nightly, i get excessively drunk and make a fool of myself
    Do you smoke?
          If yes, how often?
     after sex
    Do you do any sort of illegal drug?
     no
    Have you ever been married?
          If yes, how many times?
                  How long have you been divorced?
     no
    Do you shave/wax any body part other than your face?
          If yes, which ones?
     no i love my hairy ass
    Essay questions - please answer the following questions in a minimum of three sentences.
     
    1. How would you spend your ideal Sunday?
     pissing off god
    2. How important is family to you?
     very
    3. How do you feel about dating a woman with children?
     put them in a car and let it roll into a lake
    4. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
     trying to sleep with young blonde girls
    5. What is your idea of the perfect romantic date?
     me drinking, her paying
    Please attach the following documents before submitting this form to the appropriate authorities.
     
    Copy of current clean bill of health, signed by your physician.
     no thanks
    Copy of current credit report.
     89 pages of collections
    Copy of complete psychiatric evaluation, signed by a licensed psychiatrist.
     forged by my friend the doctor?
    References - please designate three people that can be contacted to verify above information.
     
    Girl #1: "Do you even realize how much I fucking hate you? You are always a complete prick to me, and you send me some ridiculous fucking email about setting you up with someone. Eat shit and die."

    Girl #2: " you know that the restraining order pertains to email also. The judge told you this several times. Good-bye, and don't ever write me again.
    PS- I still haven't gotten over that infection you gave me. Asshole."

    Girl #3: " are you coming back home anytime soon? The baby hasn't eaten in three days. You said you were just going out for some fresh air, and that was 2 weeks ago. Please, honey, come back. I'll cook and clean better, and I'll do my best to stop talking back. And I mean it when I say this, I promise not to sleep with your friends anymore. Please come back."


    10 月 11 日
    匿名 の表示アイコン
    drbjaded さんの投稿:
    That is SO funny. I wish they could fill out an application. I need to make up an application like that and blog it. That is TOO funny. Great site. Have a great day and be blessed!
    10 月 25 日
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    jenred31 さんの投稿:
    Hey! Just an update:
    I changed the name of my blog today and made some much needed changes, the construction begins!
    See you again soon!
    -Jenni
    9 月 8 日
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    Rick さんの投稿:
    I always fail tests..................too much pressure!
    9 月 7 日
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    Ian さんの投稿:
    OK... I'll be sure to wrap Colin in a bow and Canada Post him down to you....OK?

    I love the questionaire.... Colin's responses would be intresting I'm sure.... I remember back right after the 2004 US election, there was a website where American men and women could look for Canadians to meet and marry. It was a joke site, but turned out to be quite funny. One girl from Minnesota asked for the following..... "I'm looking for a guy, who is young, likes beer and hockey.." Her net was cast out quite wide on that one...

    At least with your questionaire.... you can at least weed out a few weird ones.... But just to let you know....some men do fib on occasion....
    Have a great day Courtney,
    ~ian
    9 月 7 日
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    Courtney-O さんの投稿:
    Patresa - you are absolutely correct! I'm adding that right now! How could I write this blog without you?

    Sam - Thanks so much for the compliment! You are too sweet.
    9 月 7 日
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    patresa74 さんの投稿:
    wooooooooo! glad to know i've made a difference in your life, courtney. :)

    you know what my favorite question is?

    "How many times per week do you speak to your mother, either in person or on the telephone?"

    but i must say, that judging by some of these wackos who've been pursuing you, there is a GLARING omission here, girlfriend. and that is a requirement that in addition to attaching a doctor's report, they should probably attach results from a recent (within the last year) complete psychiatric evaluation.

    p
    9 月 7 日
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    samsysykessamsamsy さんの投稿:
    wow, that's a cool idea...if i was a good looking as you, though, i'd let the men do all the running! x
    9 月 6 日
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    Courtney-O さんの投稿:
    KZ - That was the original thought, but I wasn't sure if that was being too crass. The shoe size would only be understood by those with the same sense of humor, you see. But, hey, I might have to change it anyway. :-)
    9 月 6 日
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    KzbirdZ さんの投稿:
    ROTFLOL!!!

    One suggestion though.... replace the "shoe size" question with.. "length and diameter of.....

    oh never mind.
    9 月 6 日
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    Courtney-O さんの投稿:
    Sizzling - You may definitely have a copy of it. That's what I'm here for - to protect my fellow woman from devious men! Haha.

    Lisa - Zero is better than a lot of dunces!

    Jorge - I like to find out about stamina - if they can't even fill out the application, they're not going to be able to keep up. I would have made an exception for you, however. :-)
    9 月 6 日
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    Sizzlingtree さんの投稿:
    YAY for Cancun photos and may I borrow your questionnaire please? So that I can weed out the losers? :D
    9 月 6 日
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    FinestPantyHose さんの投稿:
    great idea!...may reduce suitable men to uh...about zero!!
    9 月 6 日
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    Jorge さんの投稿:
    Good thing I'm taken.
    I think my hand would fall off trying to fill in your questionnaire.
    ;)
    9 月 6 日

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