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Domestic Violence Awareness MonthOctober is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is a topic that is close to my heart, because of the experience I've had with it. If you've been reading this blog for long, you know that my father was an abuser. He never once touched me, but he did beat every woman that he was ever involved with, sometimes in front of me.
I always wondered what made those women stay with him, even after he had beaten them bloody. Why did they put up with it? I can honestly say that if any man ever tried to intimidate, control, threaten me with his fists, I would kill him. I wish that you could see my face, hear the conviction in my voice as I say that. I would kill him, and I would have no qualms about doing it. That zero tolerance comes from having witnessed what it can do to someone.
And yet I allowed myself to be verbally abused by my last boyfriend for close to two years. Why did I have zero tolerance for physical abuse, but no defense for the verbal form of the same? It didn't leave any less bruises - they were only on my soul, instead of on my body.
What makes a normally strong person slave to another's whims? Notice I said 'person' instead of 'woman' - there are just as many men that suffer from verbal abuse as there are women, I think.
For me, it was such a gradual thing. He slowly, slowly, eroded away my self-confidence, until I was left wondering if he was the only man that could ever love me. When you are in a position where you feel like the person you love is doing you a favor by loving you, you are in a scary place, indeed. That's when they start to control. The person who loves less in the relationship is the one with the control.
So how do we prevent this sort of thing from happening? How do we prevent someone from beating up on our bodies and souls? We teach our children that they are incredible creatures, who have such potential. We teach them that they are so special that any person who tries to hurt them in any way is committing a crime. One that they shouldn't tolerate.
One of my favorite movies is Enough, starring Jennifer Lopez and Billy Campbell. If more abused partners starting beating the shit out of their abusers, I can guarantee you that there would be less domestic abuse. But then you wonder if that really solves the problem. Is answering violence with more violence the solution? Or does that create more of an issue than before?
For me, the answer was waking up one day, and realizing how low I had gone. Realizing that I had let someone take my confidence from me. I've always had kick-ass confidence, so for someone to take that away from me was a huge issue. I couldn't believe how much less myself I felt. So that's when it stopped. I left him, and it was the best decision I've ever made.
Amazingly enough, once I didn't have his insults to deal with daily, the confidence came right back.
For October, for Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, let's remember that for every person who is physically abused, there are more who are verbally abused. Just because the bruises can't be seen doesn't mean they aren't there. Words can't break bones, but they do break hearts.
And all of these people need our support. If you have someone in your life who you suspect is being abused in any way, please, please, make an effort to talk to them. Tell them that they are worth more, that they are loved, and that you will do anything to help them out of a hopeless situation.
"There's a wonder in the way we're always free
To change the world by changing how we see." -Cyndi Craven 评论 (16)
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